Sex or Real Relationship?
How to Tell if Your Date Wants a Relationship Or Just Sex?

You are in a new relationship.
We’ll assume you are a woman in a new relationship with a man ..
You’ve met him online or in a club or in line at a grocery store. He is cute and his personal hygiene meets your standards. You met your circle of friends for lunch and all five of you discussed his looks, occupation and intentions. Your circle of friends trusts each other to give each other advice on fashion, dating, love and relationships issues. Your friends say that he sounds like a dream date.
However, your guard is up; the last several relationships you’ve been in were a chain of disappointments: one gentleman you’ve dated had another ‘girlfriend’ at the same time he was seeing you. Another man you’ve dated for a while said he was divorced but he was not; he was married. The last attempt you’ve had at dating involved a great deal of alcohol and nearly ended up in date-rape.
You’ve made a decision: ‘I will not be dating men who are interested in sex only. I will only date men who are emotionally ready for relationships, intimacy and love. The next time I will be in a relationship, it will not be about sex, it will be about trust and intimacy.’
This is a good decision, especially for someone who got hurt in past relationships and is afraid of the future experiences with men.

Now, how will you determine, early enough in the relationship, if the man you are dating is interested in getting to know you and developing a relationship with you? Or is this just another sexual opportunity for him?
Here are some tips and behaviors that describe interest in sex vs. relationship during the first couple of dates or early on in the relationship:
• When a guy is interested in the details and stories of your sexual history on the first and second dates - he is interested in sex...

• Your date is commenting obsessively on body parts, yours and other women - he is not into relationship - he is into sex.

• If /when he tells you details of his own sexual history, too soon into the 'relationship', even under the guise of confiding, he is interested in sex.

• Consider his ability to maintain eye contact with you. If he is very shy and cannot maintain eye contact, he’ll look down at his shoes or at the floor. However, if/when he speaks with you and keeps focusing on your breasts and following your breasts with his eyes, even as you move around - it is a red flag: he is not shy and he is not interested in really getting to know you…

• If there is spontaneous touching, which you feel is inappropriate – it probably is.
Not all relationships start like the examples above. Most dating relationships begin with interests to see and get to know each other. For the women who are interested in intimacy and friendships before sex, and/or got hurt in relationships that turned to be sexual encounters only, being strategic and mindful is a way to continue to date… carefully.

 

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